Tuesday, July 1, 2008

OMG I want a mba

Top reasons why people say that want a mba:

(1) I will be taking classes with some of the best minds in the world at " insert name like H, K, W, S, C, M, I, R " and will be taught some of the best courses in the world by some of the best professors in the world. OMG!! I cant wait to get immersed in this culture of valued learning.

(2) Two years of networking opportunity with the sharpest minds in the world, past (alumni), present (class) and future (incoming class). OMG!! What more do I want.

(3) I want to move into the decision-makers echelons of corporations, I want to bring in my newly acquired vision of greatness (learnt in my 2 month corporate ethics class) and change the way corporations work forever. From now on, corporate board meetings, will not open with the CEO's perspective on how much value has been added to the stock, but will instead open (and end) with the social work and budgeting details about that project in Congo, Africa, to feed the poor Silverback mountain gorillas. OMG!! Socially responsible corporations.

(4) I will be such a perfect "fit" for again insert name like H, K, W, S, C, M, I, R, their culture, their values, their principles, their ethics is exactly what I have been waiting to be a part of, since the day I sucked on my thumb. OMG!! I can fit in---> atlast.

(5) This is the most beautiful campus in the best city in the world. (Note name insertions should again be done for city and campus). Its almost as if the campus and the city has a life of its own. OMG!! I can now be a part of this great campus and this lively city.

(6) I will now be able to write cryptic blogs for future applicants/candidates/whatever those bulls-ready-for-slaughter are known as these days, about a MBA's life, without mentioning anything in specific, but instead concentrating on jargon bombardment. Key words to focus on : fin, strat, ethics, 1&2, mck, DA, modeling. Never mention companies you work for, or are interning for, or would give your right arm and right leg to work for. I need to be cryptic, I dont know why, but I have to be. OMG!! All this cryptic stuff makes me feel like halle berry in a James bond movie.

(7) Atlast I will be able to realize the true greatness of Bill Gates in general and MS-Excel in particular. I can stun people with my Excel modeling schemes. OMG!! I can actually be part of that group that considers adding rows and columns in Excel as sophisticated modeling.

Top reasons on why they actually want a MBA:

(1) My starting salary could be 150k+. OMG!!

(2) My sign-on bonus could be 50k tax free. OMG !!

(3) Finally I have a brand name to leverage to the hilt. OMG!!! HA-HA-HA (devilish laughter follows)

(3) I have heard most consultants are Platinum level frequent flyers. Now an annual trip to India costs me about 2k in tickets. I think I can get that through my Platinum miles, should throw in the wife and baby's tickets too. OMG!! Sweeeeet.

(4) Dont they have a quarterly-all-expense-paid- company bash at Acapulco? OMG!!

(5) I am no longer an IT-consultant from insert name like Infosys, Cognizant, TCS, Wipro with Goldman-Sachs as my client. I am GS now. I can now be that dick who calls up those stupid IT consultants, every five minutes, and asks for his passwords to be changed.

(6) My ex-boss was that stupid tech jerk. I am his boss now. Payback time.

(7) I hate my current job, I am fucking underpaid and overworked.

(8) I hate my current job, I am fucking underpaid and overworked.

(9) I hate my current job, I am fucking underpaid and overworked.

(10) I hate my current job, I am fucking underpaid and overworked.

Disclaimer: I am not an IT-consultant neither do I work for GS, but I do visit India once a year minus the wife and the baby. Oh and I do develop new modeling techniques, mostly from scratch in C/Java and publish them in journals

1 comment:

ardentmeerkat said...

Hi OMG - I'm a fellow MBA hopeful. Good summary - this is funny and everything that no one ever wants to admit. A little entertainment during this process is always appreciated :o)